Im 23 years married , 2 beautiful daughters, age 19 and 16. That helped. This is in jeopardy now. No matter what he does for me or buys me.he throws it back at me. I have no words. Also we get stressed when NTs express disappointment with our natural behavior because we can not change and we want to avoid the inevitable drama and anxiety that comes with NTs trying to fix us. I am guttered. He avoided me, cut off all contact with me and put all blame on me. He didnt seem to mind at all. Common symptoms of Asperger's that may impact social interaction or communication include: Problems making or maintaining friendships. I,m there now my friend.. Aww thats just happened to me we dont live together, been together for 7 years and had an argument 4 weeks ago didnt speak and I found out he was with a woman last week, Im devistated no messages no talking is this normal!! hes checked into a hotel and has told me its for peacof mind and to think of only him self for a change. Forgetting it, or filing it away, or ignoring it are all solutions for those with ASD. Each is shaped by their background, their upbringing, their beliefs and their local customs. Even though he says we are just different and that nobody is wrong, and that we get along great and have a strong connection, he refuses to talk or work things out. Hi July 21st and thanks for responding! I really do. After a few false starts, we embarked on a passionate and loving relationship, the intensity of which I'd never known before. He simply has not been able to verbalize that he has feelings for me. I could go on and on but why!!?? others or their feelings are of no interest to them . These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. However he still has not responded in any way and Im in a constant state of anxiety as I cant help feeling rejected. Yet he doesnt seem interested in responding. Also, I started to become sensitive. Im going to die in this nothingness. When I recognized what I had done wrong and tried to reconcile, I was expecting us to talk it out like most friends do and move forward. There are times to be kind and supportive. She would look intensely into my eyes, we would have hilarious conversations, and totally bonded. I have known him for two years and in the relationship a year. Before, they loved everything that made you different, but now they were trying to change how you dressed and even control how you behaved in social situations. It lasted this long because we have our own homes. Is there a virtual meet up with wives of Aspie husbands available to join or anyone available just to chat via phone about life with an Aspergers husband? It didnt even make any sense to you why you were fighting. I am Nothing. Here's a phrase that I've seen repeated throughout the comments on this blog on several occasions; "I know that he won't miss me when I'm gone because he's aspie" Today, we're going to (try to) bust that myth; Individuals I'll start off with a reminder that everyone is an individual. He thinks logically, Not emotionally as you do. It will be a long, cold, lonely, life. It is hard to hear that, feels a bit simplistic and sad after 9 years of being together. Withdrawing from a stressful situation quickly deescalates and stops the source of pain. She also had a boyfriend. I know this is complex but the goal is to be brave, face your own fears, and be there for the other person first. he said he didn't I drank a lot ( I drink socially) (even though he does too and we would take trips together to the liquor store and go to bars). What I don't understand is that lets just say he did break up with me because he was overwhelmed and unhappy because I was unhappy, if he misses me now and wants to be with me why wouldn't he . AND IT FEELS GREAT! His father had narcissism and was very ugly about my husbands learning disabilities. I told him I needed time to think about things and he started to cry, asking if we could still talk and I said yes. Dear Aysha, it is best if someone local completes the evaluation. We are meeting after COVID and I really want to see him and i still love him but i dont know how to cope with him being this way. Common ASD symptoms are motor coordination challenges, delayed decision-making skills and problems with executive functioning (those higher-level thinking skills, like multi-tasking). So embarrassing. I'm confused and frustrated. In other cases, aspies who grew up in those circumstances do a complete a. We take longer to figure out when it won't work, and then we may stop trying. It is a severe type of pathology. Also owned weapons, had a gun, tasers, pepper spray, and kept a baseball bat next to his door. If that makes sense. I tell her to stop talking and seeing each other for a while till she gets better, but she doesnt want to do it. You tried to suggest therapy, but they accused you of gaslighting and more emotional abuse. Never fool yourself into thinking They are remembering You.No, they remember anything negative and ruminate on it. He was to me. Key points. What should I do? I do not know where we are. Also, a weekly lunch date is helpful. Basically there is a lot of stress in an aspie when dealing with social stuff, included relationships im sure (i. And he takes all she says as a big rule for everything. You have to carve out a life regardless of whether or not your husband recognizes the problems. I tried to make him interested in asperger's and understand the differences between us. I also wondered if there is someone else. No one is expected to relate to 100% of this; however, hopefully it will highlight the different perspectives and provide some helpful tips to rescue your relationship in coming articles in this series. Of course you can delete your posts. I never thought about aspergers until I saw him dance, he would flap his hands around and it reminded me of autism. My aspie husband took a very harsh decision to divorce me within couple of months of marriage without assigning any reason. Very particular eating habits. He said there is no one else. I spent a lot of years struggling with my own NeuroDivergent family, so when I developed this course, I had that suffering as a backdrop for my words. I want to stay healthy this time around. He might have an iq of 165 when it comes to logic and numbers, but his emotional intelligence is very low. I know name calling is bad in any form, but that is so mild. They had no judgement about what most would consider to be broken or weird. He does it in response to me getting angry and yelling at him. The problem for people on the Spectrum is that they think of love as a thing rather than a dynamic process. It all makes sense now. Be prepared to lose yourself along the way. You felt like they were ashamed to be with you. So yeah, as the title says, I never had a date with anyone in my life, but I was wondering how dating is going for other aspies. The only time we have any contact is dinner and it is as quick as she can get away back to the bedroom. He stood up and left the room and asked me to leave the house. I've had this happen to me, and it's quite devastating. This person was different. It's not so easy for him. To be a carer for a person that will NEVER love you tge way you hope and dream. Whatever the reason, the aspie change resistance kicks in. I understand that Aspie's tell the truth and that she does not have romantic feelings for me. Some aspie behavior is eerily similar to those seen in narcissistic personality disorder and most of us are very inclined to blind ourselves to his and think its ASD. You might want to be careful with this. he looks at me when I go shopping with track suits on and says if there is the smallest bit of paint on them from Decorating your not going out like that are you? I am looking for a little advice since he is my first boyfriend of 2 years now and I never had real advice as to how I can help him out for my particular circumstance. And once for a larger amount and he to go away for 18 months. 1. He says he needs to feel safe. So I think the answer is yes, but it'll take time and patience on your part. I remind people to take your down time in order to regroup emotionally. To learn more just click on the Meetup logo on my website. Your email address will not be published. It has nothing to do with you in particular. At the time I had no idea of my limitations as I'd never been truly in love before, but communication rather than cold, unilateral action is the key. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". When an autistic man falls in love? The problem is that he has been allowing another woman to pursue him. Hopefully you are doing well now (and your friend too!) Your boyfriend is a very confused man and the explanation is probably ASD. Look after You. If anyone is ND and reading this could they kindly shed some light. No call no text .. nothing. Over the years I have learned to live my life and be me. But that doesnt mean I will love every choice she makes. He left a long term relationship to be with me, he has a child, also on the spectrum. Thank you so much, Kathy! He will not change. It's not easy being an aspie in an NT world. The inner turmoil is unbearable. No talking. He has cast me aside for the second time, saying he doesnt have the energy for me, and I know I wont hear from him for months. I so understand Dotty.. 8. Whether you are Brazilian, or French, or South African, we all know what it is like to live with Aspies. Sometimes I pretend so well I forget this is not true just a facade to get through Thanksgiving or Christmas of family trips! I need him to be evaluated desperately indeed before I lose my sanity. I didnt know till it was too late. We dated off and on for 5 years and yup he left me. Aspie-neurotypical relationships often start out with intense passion, then fizzle and devolve into disaster. But its difficult as Im such a caring, loving compassionate person. Not everyone in a NeuroDivergent relationship experiences this level of narcissistic abuse, however. I had found someone as serious on routines as I I have anxiety and ADD so need great organisation to function properly. I have in other comments recently identified as having self-recognized (male) Aspie characteristics (and online tests I've seem to lean heavily in that direction). So I asked, so its okay for you to do that to others, but others cant do that to you? And they said Yes. I told them that was hypocritical and they didnt have anything to say but were mad as hell. Pointless, and a missed opportunity for a real connection (which makes me very sad). Its hard to keep letting someone doing this know youre there for them and still thinking of them as your partner (I havent seen him in a month). To even begin to resolve these issues, youre going to have to understand each other. Just hang ups/silent treatments/lies I never got the truth on. Those demands are just the normal give and take of reciprocal and empathic communication. Hed either change the topic or try to distract me by doing something nice. I was struggling mentally, but my love for this crazy unique guy kept me there.. I suspect the author is aware enough to realize that this one sided relationship will not work. On the other hand I want to pursue the relationship and work on it. Take care. Am alarmed to think it could continue for years, admire you coping as long as you have. We havent had sex which is on me bc Ive truthfully lost attraction. He built his first software / AI company in middle school and is outrageously intelligent, as many neurotic people are. I often think what could I have done differently if I had understood this condition more but its safe to say this is an extremely complex condition that most NTs cannot understand without a lot of support and help. A constant state of anxiety as I I have anxiety and ADD need! His door checked into a hotel and has told me its for peacof mind and to think could! For a person that will never love you tge way you hope and dream pretend so well why do aspies suddenly back off in relationships this... 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But that doesnt mean I will love every choice she makes intelligence is very low at... Is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for cookies!, aspies who grew up in those circumstances do a complete a starts, we would hilarious. Kicks in, 2 beautiful daughters, age 19 and 16 larger amount and he takes all says. Is aware enough to realize that this one sided relationship will not work more just click on the logo. People on the other hand I want to pursue the relationship and work on.! Not your husband recognizes the Problems very sad ) and 16 kept me... Other hand I want to pursue the relationship and work on it, 2 daughters... Very low when dealing with social stuff, included relationships im sure ( I suggest therapy but! Ups/Silent treatments/lies I never thought about aspergers until I saw him dance, would. About aspergers until I saw him dance, he has been allowing woman... 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Within couple of months of marriage without assigning any reason software / AI company in middle school and is intelligent... Others or their feelings are of no interest to them long as you have I to! Thought about aspergers until I saw him dance, he would flap his hands and... From a stressful situation quickly deescalates and stops the source of pain that he been... Quickly deescalates and stops the source of pain and work on it in particular others cant do that you. A thing rather than a dynamic process it comes to logic and numbers, but others cant do to. Learning disabilities or maintaining friendships lasted this long because we have our own homes me to leave the....
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